This is the last thing that I wrote in my journal from my trip to Guatemala last summer. I went to Hope of Life in Zacapa, Guatemala for a week with my youth group in 2013. The experience was overwhelming for me, being that I had never been to a third world country. I fell in love with the people there; they are the happiest people that I have ever met. These people had nothing, but the smiles on their faces made it seem like they had everything.
At this point in my life my relationship with The Lord was struggling. The only time that I would talk to The Lord was when I was in desperate need for help. I had not been faithful or obedient at all to him in the last two years. I was hoping that this trip to Zacapa would bring me closer to him which meant that I had to open my eyes and ears to him again. I did not realize how much of an impact The Lord would make on me and my life during that week on the mission field.
When I left Zacapa I knew that I wanted to go back but did not know the possibilities of it being anytime soon because of the money and plans for the following summer. I knew that I was going home with a new heart for life, people, and serving, but I really did not know if I was ever going to make it back to Guatemala or not.
I moved back into college a week after the mission trip and I became very homesick but not for my home in Harrisonburg, Virginia. I was homesick for my home in Guatemala. It is normal to feel like that when you come back from any trip though so I brushed the feeling off not thinking too much about it. When I got this feeling of emptiness I prayed and first asked The Lord to take away that feeling and then thanked him for the experience that I had.
He did not take the feeling away though. It traveled with me like an extremely heavy burden. So many times in the last two years I had been getting obvious signs from the Lord and each time I did, I walked away from them completely ignoring God. This sign that he put right in front of my face was so much different than the rest though. The Lord would not let me ignore Him this time. It was almost like he led me to a fork in the road. One path was my own and one path was his but mine was blocked off. The only way I could choose was His and He refused to let me take my own this time.
The following weeks were when I started to make leaps of faith and learn how to obey The Lord again. I like to use the saying 'out with the old, in with the new' because that is basically how it was. I remember walking back to my dorm after class one particular day and pulling out my laptop to look at pictures from Guatemala. I had just made a huge decision in my life and I felt like looking back at those pictures would lift my spirits. Every single time I saw those beautiful smiles on those happy children my heart overflowed with joy. That is when I surrendered my heart to Him. No, it was not like the time when I was seven years old when I asked Him to come into my life and live in me. This time was completely different. I was done blatantly ignoring Him and I decided that from here on out I was going to do what He put me on this earth to do as a Christ follower.
"Okay God, send me".
I almost felt like God was sitting up in heaven with His feet propped up on an ottoman, reading a book of some sort, and waiting for the light bulb to go off in my head. When it finally did, I pictured Him dropping His book and yelling out, "Finally!".
I knew that it was going to take a lot of prayer and change for me to be fully committed to this deal. It wasn't that I did not want to go, it was just so unrealistic for me to. The money, the faith, and most of all my trust in the Lord was going to have to come a long way in the next few months.
God planted something in my heart while I was there last summer. It was love. I had not known the definition of love until I witnessed it in Guatemala. I did not know what love was until I was pouring lemonade in a one liter container for a mother that had just walked over eight miles to get something to drink for her six children. I had not known what love was until I watched a little girl around the age of four with dirty feet stroking her younger sister's head while she rested on her lap because of exhaustion from walking so long (see picture below). I did not know the definition of love until I experienced it first hand. Love is not a feeling; love is an action.
Nine months later I am packing my bags to go back to Zacapa, Guatemala. Instead of a week, this time I am volunteering for a month. I have never been so ready for something. I cannot wait to spread God's love in that country in the next few weeks. I may not have my life figured out just yet but I know one thing is for sure, I am supposed to be in Guatemala this summer.
Here's to 28 days in Guatemala...
Lord, send me!
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